Coach Ahmadinejad

Today, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad offered Iran's national football (soccer) team some expertise, as it gears up for the 2006 World Cup. After kicking around the ball a bit, in a friendly match, Ahmadinejad sat down with the players, who huddled cross-legged around him, listening intently. He told them that they had extraordinary football skills, individually, yet they must each try to mobilize this talent into a more united team effort. Additionally, the president, clad in his black and white athletic gear--cleats and all--centered his advice on running with the ball.

"Instead of increasing your running speed, focus on increasing the speed of the ball. You guys, at most, can cover about 9 meters per second; the ball, however, can be kicked at a speed of 20 meters per second. Therefore, your aim should be to move the ball, rather than your body." (to paraphrase the president).

With that, the players all rose and began to scrimmage across the field with Ahmadinejad, who, despite his age, made for a formidable opponent. All it took was a lightening swift kick that sent the ball flying past the outstretched goalie, barely scraping the side of his hand, straight into a corner shot that skidded in only five centimeters from the rim. It was the type of GOAL that fans would've erupted in wild cheer about.

Later, I found out from my uncle that approximately eight years ago, when Ahmadinejad worked as a civil engineer for Atisaz, a prominent construction firm, he spent his breaks and after-hours playing football in the parking lot with his coworkers, or the kids from surrounding neighborhoods. Furthermore, my cousin, a former student of the president, relayed to me that these football matches extended to university grounds as well, usually after class, when students and professor were free to play.